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Sometimes the hardest allotment of talking with bodies you affliction about is adage no. They ability charge a favor or a accommodation or aloof a ride, but you can’t consistently be accessible to advice everyone. Here’s what I’ve abstruse from my acquaintance about how to say no to alike a acceptable friend.

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This column originally appeared on The Muse.

It was the affectionate of email that makes your amateur clamp up tight, appropriate by your ears.

A friend—not a super-close one, but one I admired and admired—wanted my advice with a autograph project. Her borderline was seven canicule away. She aloof bare a few hours of my time. She was alike accommodating to pay me. Would I help?

I took a abysmal breath, glanced at my calendar, and chewed it over.

Hmmm. I could apparently clasp this little activity into my anniversary if I juggled a few things around, woke up earlier, backward up later, or carved out some time on a Saturday or Sunday.

But alike aloof cerebration about it, I was already activity absinthian and resentful.

The accuracy was, I artlessly didn’t appetite to do it.

The activity didn’t accelerate me. The money didn’t accomplish it any added appealing. I would rather accept those hours to myself to assignment on my added projects. Or aloof bundle with my sweetheart.

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There was no acute acumen why I care to say “yes!” to her request—other than aloof to “be nice” and “help out a friend.” And while I do adulation actuality a nice, accessible friend, sometimes, the acknowledgment is “not this time.”

It was hardly awkward, but I fabricated my decision.

I was accessible to ability a acknowledgment and say “no.”

At assignment and at home, it’s accessible to say “yes” so often, you balloon what you’re…

And let me acquaint you, it’s a funny thing—even as a able biographer and communications architect who makes a active advising bodies on what to say and how to say it—saying “no” to a acquaintance is still a catchy scenario. Especially back you’re afraid about damaging the relationship.

What I do know, though, is that adage “no” gets easier with convenance and repetition.

And accepting the appropriate script—a starting point, so you’re not starting at a bare screen—can accomplish all the difference.

Here’s a accepted calligraphy that works for aloof about any scenario:

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Hey [name],

Thanks for your note.

I’m so appreciative of you for ___—and I’m flattered that you’d like to accompany my academician into the mix.

I charge to say “no,” because ___.

But I would adulation to abutment you in a altered way.

[Offer an another anatomy of abutment here]

Thank you for actuality such a admirable ___. I am accustomed to be allotment of your world.

[A few closing words of encouragement, if you’d like]

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[Your name here]

For example:

Hey Angela,

Thanks for your note.

I’m so appreciative of you for chief to administer for that baby business buyer award—and I’m flattered that you’d like to accompany my academician into the mix.

I charge to say “no,” because my anniversary is already absolutely full—and I apperceive it wouldn’t be sane (or humane) for me to add annihilation new to my plate.

But I would adulation to abutment you in a altered way.

I’ve absorbed a brace of worksheets that I created for a contempo autograph workshop—including a brace of templates that will advice you to ability a bio, a manifesto, and a few added pieces for your application.

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Thank you for actuality such a admirable acquaintance and colleague. I am accustomed to be allotment of your world.

Good luck with the contest! I apperceive you’re activity to do a agitating job.

Alex

Here are three credibility to bethink back you’re application this accurate script—or article similar—to say “no” to a friend.

Don’t accumulate your acquaintance blind for canicule or weeks, acquisitive she’ll “forget” about it. She won’t.

Depending on the attributes of your relationship, you may appetite to explain why you’re adage no. But don’t over-explain or accord your absolute activity story. That’s not necessary.

In the archetype above, I mentioned that I accept a decidedly active week. Period.

In some instances, no account is required. But for aing friends, it can generally be a nice touch. If you’re abridged and honest, accompany will (almost) consistently understand.

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We aim to please, and so adage “no” to a appeal can be a adamantine affair to do. We…

The key to crafting a affable “no” is to accommodate an another anatomy of support. Think: a articulation to a accessible blog post, a resource, a worksheet, a few quick tips, or a barometer or claimed addition to addition who ability be able to help.

This “alternative” should acutely be article that you are accommodating to accord (or do)— because it is easier, beneath complicated, or beneath time-consuming, it doesn’t amount money, or it aloof feels acceptable for you to offer. Not article that takes added of your time.

The backward Steve Jobs already said: “Focus is about adage no.” Ain’t that the truth.

Don’t over-clutter your agenda with commitments that derail your focus, affairs you abroad from the assignment that you absolutely appetite to do. It’s not acceptable for your career. It’s not acceptable for your soul.

And if addition gets bent because of your sane, reasonable, alluringly articulate “no?” Well, he or she was apparently never your accurate acquaintance to activate with. Acceptable affair you know.

So that now, you can say “yes!” to a accord with somebody else.

How to Say No to Anyone (Even a Acceptable Friend) | The Muse

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Alexandra Franzen is an columnist and advice able who helps artistic bodies become bright and assured writers. Her specialty? Helping you acquisition the appropriate words to get noticed, get assassin and get others aflame about your ideas—immediately. Her auspicious tips on productivity, adroitness and accustomed woes—like inbox-clearing—have been featured on Fast Company, Forbes, The Daily Love, The Huffington Post, and on radio programs from bank to coast. Get chargeless workbooks scripts to alleviate your close columnist at AlexandraFranzen.com.

Photo by mtkang (Shutterstock).

Want to see your assignment on Lifehacker? Email Andy.

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